What the process of moving on looks like
From my experience, I’ve come to believe that deep love, loss and celebration are all intricately woven. Strange combination, but it’s true. It is my birthday week. Many years ago, I faced a great loss on my birthday, and for many years since, I did not celebrate. Over time, I learnt to see that this day still connects me with my loved one, and I chose to celebrate my birthday again. I chose to live in their honour and celebrate in their honour. Love is greater than death, greater than life itself.
When we love someone or something deeply, losing them can feel traumatic. It becomes almost impossible to expect a life of normalcy, genuine bouts of laughter or happy times again. And so we hold on.
But holding on has its own consequences. Because — what is it that you are holding on to? Is it the ‘love’ or the ‘sadness’? Sadness makes you feel guilty for wanting a better life; while love makes you want to live your life in their honour.
Holding on to the pain of any traumatic event — including loss of a livelihood or a relationship can be heavy on your emotions. And with time, it becomes excess baggage. Remember — we must pay a hefty fine for excess baggage — of any sort. A price many of us continue to pay without even realising.
Here are some things I learnt about the process of moving on:
1 Moving on does not mean forgetting: Why so many people struggle with ‘moving on’ is that they feel they’re being asked to forget their loved ones, or relationships they once had. It does not mean this. You can still hold on to the ‘love’ and the happy memories — all you need to release is the sadness, grief which eventually becomes a load you carry. You can remember your loved ones every day, speak of them with fondness even humour, and learn to live a fulfilling life, a life that honours theirs. Be your best, in their honour. Don’t let their love weigh you down, let it help you rise.
2 Healing is a long road — to freedom: Healing is a multifaceted and multi-layered process. It can twist you around a few times before leading you to light. Know that some days will be good, others not so good. It’s all part of the process.
3 Be your own cheerleader: You don’t have to wear a cloak of solemnity in the face of loss. A broken relationship or loss of a job is not the end, it is the Universe’s way to divert your path to something else. Be kind to yourself, be your own cheerleader, starting with the words you say to yourself.
4 And ultimately, you get to define what moving on means: There is no fixed timeline or roadmap to healing. If moving on means finding a new job, a new hobby or lifestyle, new home, so be it. Whatever it looks like for you, it is perfect and right.
Re-define what life means to you. Learn to fill the void with love itself, love for yourself and for your life. And each day will be a celebration.
Connect with Delna Mistry Anand across social media @DelnaAnand